Colin.ab
28-11-2004, 01:25 AM
Everybody I know who has a Mini usually calls it "Rover" or "Sport". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the post office to renew the license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" I said she was an old banger, He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the vicar that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the register office. My family's been barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I drove us there in the Mini. When we checked into our hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and the wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the hotel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night if I’m not near her." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a concourse contest. But before the competition began, the car was stolen. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have had Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the car. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex was stolen again. I spent hours looking all over for her, But then the 'Old Bill' pulled up and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." ----- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that Mini than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble me old son?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mate, you should understand that Sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog." :wink:
C.ab :vtec:
When I decided to get married, I told the vicar that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the register office. My family's been barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I drove us there in the Mini. When we checked into our hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and the wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the hotel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night if I’m not near her." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a concourse contest. But before the competition began, the car was stolen. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have had Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the car. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex was stolen again. I spent hours looking all over for her, But then the 'Old Bill' pulled up and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." ----- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that Mini than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble me old son?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mate, you should understand that Sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog." :wink:
C.ab :vtec: